A Relationship Expert Reveals the Top Questions You Should Ask on a Dating App

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Contributing Writer: Surbhi Sachdeva 

Meeting someone virtually for the first time can be intimidating. With the number of matches that you might receive, it can get overwhelming to vibe with someone who matches your preference for the relationship you're looking to find on the app in the first place. 

While swiping left or right is easy, the ‘strike a conversation’ task can make anyone nervous or puzzled. Having said that, if you have the right tools and a better understanding of ideal questions to ask on dating apps, communication becomes more accessible and more valuable. The correct set of questions also puts forward a positive impression on your person of interest, thus bringing them closer to you. The proper set of questions can also help you prevent scaring or making someone feel uncomfortable during your rendezvous with them.

In this article:

1. Importance of Asking the Right Questions on Dating Apps
2. How to Approach Someone on a Dating App
3. Questions to Ask on Dating Apps

Importance of Asking the Right Questions on Dating Apps

Photography: Cinelove Productions

If you are a shy romantic, who doesn't know how to ask the right questions to strike up a valuable conversation, a set of conversation starter questions will help you get to see the person of interest. Not just introverts, but even if you are outspoken in life and this is your first time trying the virtual dating world, the right questions will help you build up a meaningful conversation with the one you swiped right in the first place.

We chatted with Shahzeen Shivdasani and gained more insights on this topic. She is a renowned relationship expert and the millennial author of Love, Lust, and Lemons.

We first asked her the burning question, ‘What should be the ideal opening questions to warm up to someone?’. Shahzeen said, “When initiating a conversation on a dating app, consider asking questions that encourage interaction. For instance, 'I noticed you're into dancing - how long have you been pursuing it?' or 'I see you love travelling. Where was the last place you visited?”. Shahzeen said initiating conversations that encourage further discussion can help the person open up and engage further, rather than going ahead with the typical 'Hey, how are you? What are you up to?' kind of questions."

We asked her plenty of crucial questions that can act as tools for you to initiate a meaningful conversation with the person who can be your future spouse. Here are all the insights she gave us on the world of virtual dating:

How to Approach Someone on a Dating App?

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1. How do you let the other person know you are on the dating app, searching for a partner to settle down with? We know that marriage can be intimidating to many people.

Shahzeen says, “You can accomplish this by subtly conveying that you are on the app to find someone who shares similar values and interests and is also ready for something serious.”

2. If someone has a 'love at first sight' moment upon right swipe, how to show the other person that you are very much interested in going on a date without freaking them out?

“If you sense a deep bond with someone you've been matched with, don't be afraid to reach out and propose a meeting in person. Strike up an engaging conversation, but keep the tone light and avoid coming on too strong, so the other person doesn't feel overwhelmed.”

3. What are the ideal questions a man should ask a woman to make her feel more at ease talking to him?

“During the introductory stages, attempt not to focus intensely on their looks. Showing genuine interest in them and getting to know them is key. Ask about their passions or something on their profile related to their hobbies or life."

4. What kind of Ideal questions should a woman ask a man to make him feel more at ease talking to her?

"When conversing, you might ask about their hobbies and favourite activities. You could try asking questions like, 'What's something they're passionate about?' or 'What are their current personal goals?”

5. What kind of questions should be avoided at all costs?

"Refrain from discussing religion, past relationships, or finances too soon, and don't become too intimate too quickly. Allow the person to open up to you at their own pace.”

6. What kind of information about yourself should you share during initial conversations?

Shahzeen emphasizes caution and says, "Don’t overshare. Be an open book, but share as much as you feel comfortable. However, treat the person as a new acquaintance, not someone who is already your best friend. Leaving a little element of mystery always goes a long way."

7. How to initiate a meeting or express your interest in going on a date with the person?

"Suggest a meeting and propose a venue of shared interest where you can meet. Keep it fun and hearty, and treat it as an opportunity to get to know each other better without any pressure."

8. If someone is not keen on continuing the conversation with a match, how can one politely decline further communication without sounding rude or insensitive?

"If you're not curious about getting to know somebody anymore, it's important to be honest. No one likes to be ghosted. Let them know that while you've enjoyed chatting with them, you don't see it turning into anything romantic from your side, and wish them the best."

9. How does one cope if one gets unmatched by a person of interest?

"Being unmatched can feel rude, as any form of rejection by another person is tough. Just remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and don't get too hung up on someone you barely know. You'll find someone who feels the same way about you, and that's the only bond worth investing in."

10. Are there other essential factors to remember when using a dating platform to find a match?

"Approach with an open mind; always be honest and respectful. Understand that finding the right match doesn’t come with a defined timeline. Also, remember to practice safety precautions when meeting and sharing personal information to avoid any mishap."

Questions to Ask on Dating Apps

Image Credit: Arjun Kamath

1. What about my profile made you decide to swipe right?

Do you wish to ignite the flame of love with all the fervour? This question is the key to a successful start to the conversation. It will help you judge the other person's attitude and thoughts. After all, it is not all about that decent/attractive/hot or cute profile image!

2. What is your usual first Impression of people, according to you?

They say, ‘The first impression is the last impression.’ This is the most exciting online dating question to ask. Why? It will give you a chance to examine how your Tinder/Bumble newbie chatting partner thinks. Giving them your side of the story can help both of you learn about each other.

3. What is the best series on Netflix, and which is your favourite pick?

This is the most important and inventive question these days, and if you are witty enough, you know how to keep a conversation going with a person! Who does not love to watch Netflix shows and chill together? Why not ask about their taste so that you can watch your favourite shows together and make truckloads of evening plans for dates? 

4. What is your ideal Sunday morning?

Be it Sunday binge-eating or following a healthy workout routine, you should know the likes and dislikes of a person you are talking to. This will create a flow of exciting conversations and help you determine each other’s likes and dislikes. 

5. What is your ultimate comfort food?

After knowing their basic routine and preferences, it is time to dive into their taste buds. A person’s personality can be readily evident from their food choice. Girls take notes because they say the way to a man’s heart is from their tummy. Won’t it be an absolute delight if the man confesses his cooking skills in the flow of this conversation?  

6. Are you a pet lover?

Imagine playing with your pup and making memories with bliss. This online dating conversation topic is a must when you are deep-diving into affection. If you have a four-pawed kid, you know pets are family, and it’s incredible to date someone who loves your cuddle buddy as much! 

7. What was the most fantastic adventure you have ever gone on?

The best voyage is when you travel with your loved ones. Do you wish to avail the chance with your online date? Then grab the opportunity to start a conversation about wanderlust on a dating app, and do not miss out on this adventurous question to know their likes/dislikes and hobbies better.

8. What is your drunkest memory?

The Legendary How I Met Your Mother episode “Nothing Good Ever Happens after 2 am” was a clear indication that a drunk and midnight memory can be messy. But we are on Barney’s side here and beg to differ! Messed up-drunk moments, make legendary stories! Agree? Then, why not share your drunkest memory and giggle over it with complete delight? This will create a vibe of jolliness and will help you move forward with other online dating questions!

9. Are there any specific qualities you want in your partner?

From discussing the reason for swiping right to juggling over delectable food choices, it is time to address the more serious questions. All girls and guys, the more you talk about each other's qualities, the more you will get close and keep an online conversation going. This will let you know to escalate the conversation further.

10. Would you rather be crazy rich or deeply in love?

Now, this is the most appropriate yet thinkable question to ask. This will make you tighten the grip of affection and will let you know about his real-life attitude. Men can also turn this question on women because no one likes a gold digger. So, think wisely before you answer! 

11. Is true love once in a lifetime according to you?

We are sure you guys would swoon over this online dating conversation topic. Talking about love is the most precious thing, and that is true on an online dating app. It adds a vibe of warmth to the conversation. ‘Pyar Ek Baar Hota Hai, Aur Shadi Bhi Ek Hi Baar Hoti Hai’—does this statement prove it right? Try and let us know afterwards! 

12. Do you like talking about your past?

Lovey-Dovey is all cool, but things can jump to a sensitive level when talking about the past. Therefore, you should always start this topic wisely. It is fortunate to know about each other’s past as you better understand what the other person might have endured. The only thing you need to do is carefully initiate!

13. Do You Live to Work or Work to Live?

This online dating conversation topic opens the door to a person's professional and financial stability. Congratulations—if you have reached this point, you will break the wall of skills fast! We are sure this question is equally important for everyone. But? Make sure you are comfy over virtual texts!

14. What is Trust, according to you?  

‘Trust is when you know you are falling into the well of pessimism, but your partner is there to catch you with full zeal’ Is that Accurate enough? Now is the time to succeed with your online dating questions by initiating the conversation and getting to know each other in depth.

15. How do you prefer to be kissed? Slow and tender, or hard and passionately?

Yes! Now is the time to turn the tables of seriousness and discuss mischievousness! Roll the dice of malice, oh did you get the topic of talking about kisses? Why step back when you can step ahead with full confidence? After asking the above online dating questions, it’s time to know each other’s desires and longings. This will level up your relationship with fascination and maintain the spark while talking online! Wait, is someone blushing? 

16. Are you a Sapiosexual? What are your favourite topics for long, in-depth conversations?

Talking to someone with whom you are comfortable gives a different level of satisfaction. Guys, ask about her favourite conversational topics; this will let you know more about her in-depth! Likewise, girls can ask a guy this online dating question. After all, who doesn’t love a beautiful mind?  

17. What is the weirdest fun fact you know? Extra points for awkwardness!

What is better than being weird around each other and sharing silliest and crippling thoughts because there’s no reason to hide your original self?  Once you have crossed the line of weirdness, congratulations!! You can think of your future with ease and happiness! What are you waiting for? Ask away and share your weirdness virtually.  

18. Other Than Me, Who in Your Life Do You Wish You Would Meet Sooner?

Add an edge of fun as you don the investigator’s hat! Throwing out hints has always been prodigious. Why not ask this question and learn about the person’s feelings towards you? The sooner they wish to see you, the better you can spend priceless time together! 

We are sure that all these fun questions to ask on dating apps and insights on having a valuable conversation with the person will surely boost your confidence. But above all the tools and guidelines, what is still the most important is you being yourself and enjoying finding your soulmate on a dating app. Who knows, one day, you will have a great story to tell your friends and family about how you two met on the dating app. 

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