Sexting 101: Master the Art of Sexting! Keep It Spicy, Safe & Smart!

Image Credit: Cupla

Whether it is a long-distance relationship or two people in love who cannot stay away from each other, digital advancement has been the biggest blessing. Now you can stay connected 24/7, hold private conversations and exchange texts, photos and even videos in milliseconds! Sexting has long been caught up in the digital romantic department, making it fun to indulge in pleasurable conversations. But how healthy is sexting really? 

We take you through the basics of sexting, talk about legalities and safety, share expert tips from a professional, and share some of the best opening lines to let you and your partner ease into the art of sexting.

Before you pick up your phone to text someone something naughty, learn about sexting. Read on!

Table of Content:

• What is the Meaning of Sexting?
• Types of Sexting
• How to start Sexting?
• Best Sexting Messages for Your Partner
• Sexting Ideas for Long-Distance Relationships
• Safe Sexting Practices: Do’s and Don’ts
• FAQs about Sexting

What is the Meaning of Sexting?

Exchanging texts between two people which involve sexually explicit messages is called sexting. Sexting is not limited to just mobile phones. Still, any gadget and platform that allows two people to exchange texts that are sexual, full or partially nude photographs or naughty emojis is what sexting is all about. 

Types of Sexting

It is all about the level of how explicit and detailed you can get with your partner when talking about sexting. Here are a few examples:

• Basic Sexting: Ask each other what you are wearing or what you would like to see your partner in (clothing) someday. Or you can ask them about their turn-ons and turn-offs.
• Conversive Sexting: Have casual conversations about something sexual that you saw online and that reminded you of your partner. Or a dress you saw somewhere that reminded you of your partner.
• Graphic Sexting: You can text each other to visualise the pleasurable acts you'd do with each other if you had been present together. Use GIFs and emojis if you are not very good with textual expressions.
• Imaginative Sexting: Think about sex on the beach or pleasurable moves in a mountain cabin and let your imagination go wild, creating scenarios together and imagining a wild sex encounter via texts.

How to Start Sexting?

Keep it light and start with a compliment. Add in some flirty texts and see if your partner replies in the same flirty manner. Then move forward with gentle sexual texts like 'I would like to kiss you...(where)..right now' or compliment the body parts like 'Your lips are so soft, I wonder how it feels to kiss you.'. 

Take ample time to get the consent, figure out your partner's mood and participation comfort, and then take it from there. 

Image Credit: Pinterest

Best Sexting Messages for Your Partner

Still confused about how to get your partner in the mood or make sexting exciting? Here’s a list of the best lines to make it steamy and exhilarating for you both!

• Let's talk about the wildest fantasies. Should I start first, or would you like to share yours instead?
• Have you heard the song titled 'Summer of 69'? How do you feel about the number 69?
• Remember when we were... and our lips were locked for what felt like an eternity? I still think about it!
• I want to see you in a miniskirt someday. Can't imagine what I'll do to you then!
• Did you know there's a thing called Ayurvedic Sex Positions? 
• Wish we could rent a villa with a private pool someday. There are things I'd like to explore with you then.
• I was at the mall today and bought an adorable red lingerie set. I guess you'll like it!
• Wanna play truth or dare with me? Dare can include explicit video calls too!
• I want to be your Mr. Grey. Would you like to be my Anastasia?
• Do you think I should sleep commando tonight?
• You know that little mole on your chest? Yeah, that one! I can't type further; it is getting hot in here!
• The slow whispers and sounds you were making last night? Cannot stop thinking about them! Cannot concentrate on work either.
• Which part of the home would you like to have sex in next time?
• I sigh deeply every time I think about that passionate lovemaking we did last time!
• I am feeling horny tonight! Can you tell me what you are wearing right now?
• Wish I could just come over right now, push you onto that sofa, sit on you and....!!!
• Hey, check out this read on different sex positions. Wanna try them someday? Please tell me your favourites.
• If you arrive home early today, I'll be found minding my business in those red thongs you've always wanted to see me in.
• Hi! I'm the plumber you ordered to fix your home's 'wet' leakage. When can I come?
• I wish you could feel the way I am feeling right now. I can send a GIF to tell you just that!

Sexting Ideas for Long-Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationships can be challenging, especially in the intimacy department. With physical touch deprivation, one can feel lonely and out of touch with one's partner. Even with constant communication, the spark can die down. This is where sexting comes in handy. The more descriptive and expressive, the better! Here are some sexting ideas that you can try to reduce the heat in your bedrooms, even if separated by distance!

• You know I had a very saucy dream about you last night. Want to know the details?
• I wish you were here right now. Here's a GIF to tell you what I'd do with you if you were.
• Would you prefer me kissing all over your body right now, or would you prefer me to bend you down and ride you?
• Touch yourself for me and tell me how you feel. Every single detail!
• Wanna try explicit role-playing tonight?
• If we take a vacation together, let me know where you want to go and what hot things you want to try there with me.
• Can I see you live tonight? It's been so long since I saw you under the sheets!
• Can you send me a photo of you just in your boxers? I want to see something ;)
• Charge your massager and get on call with me tonight. I've got some things to tell you in private!
• Let me decide what you wear tomorrow. Could you show me the options? Let's start with the lingerie first!

Safe Sexting Practices: Do’s and Don’ts

We know that sexting can be very tempting and a lot of fun to indulge in. But fun without caution can be a dangerous affair with traumatic to even legal situations that you would want to avoid at any cost. So here's a list of vital do's and don'ts when it comes to sexting:

Do's

• Avoid sexting in public places where peeking into your phone for others can be easy.
• Either immediately delete compromising photos and videos after viewing them from your gadget or store them in hidden safe folders.
• Ease into the conversation with double-meaning or light flirting, then set the pace depending on how your partner reciprocates.
• Opt for messaging apps with end-to-end encryption and, if possible, switch to the disappearing messages option to leave no trace once you are done sexting.
• Avoid sending nudes with your face visible in them.

Don'ts

• Do not send explicit messages or graphic content to someone without their consent.
• If your partner is not in the mood to exchange sexting, don't force them to. Try another time when they are ready.
• Don't share your sext chats with your friends. That's a breach of your partner's privacy and is unethical.

Image Credit: Freepik

FAQs about Sexting 

While we have covered all the nitty-gritty of sexting, we know that you might have some extra questions in mind that you'd like to get answered. Leaving no stone and chapter on sexting unturned, we got on board with one of India's most prominent advocates for sexual health, Karishma Swarup, who is a professional sexuality educator. She has answered some of the most important questions, which also include the legality of sexting and cybercrime, as well as tips on how to establish a healthy sexting routine with your partner. Here's what she has to say about sexting:

1. What is the best way to start sexting?

“The best way to start sexting is to be quite explicit about getting consent with your partner. There are a lot of stories I've heard where someone decides to go on a dating app and then early in their conversation, they try to say something sexy or something really explicitly sexual about what they wanna do with their partner, what they wanna do with this person. But when it's someone you don't know that well, it can be really jarring to receive a text like that and almost really creepy. And so I think it's really important to make sure that you and the person you wanna sext with is totally on the same page about it. It's fine to be a little bit flirty, hint at things. Some people like to use double-meaning flirting terms just to test the waters. But definitely do not send pictures without asking. Do not say things like ‘you wanna do certain things with someone’ without asking. Half the joy of sexting is the mystery, about communicating in ways that are witty and exciting. You could commence the convo with messages like ‘Hey! Can I send you a picture that may be not safe for work or, NSFW’ or something to that effect, whatever feels more natural to you? But nothing without asking for consent first." says Swarup.  

2. How can I make sexting more exciting for my partner?

Swarup says,“I think what makes sexting fun is both what is said and also what is not said. Some people enjoy setting up a scene, setting up a place where they are, starting with really gentle references to what they want to do with their partner. While some people like to heat it up as they go along. It could include using tech features like using emojis, pictures, a voice note or even videos. It could look like saying something and then sending a picture along with that. But with pictures and videos, you wanna be safer.

Overall, I think when you are sexting with someone, you really wanna think about meeting them where they are. And this could look like calibrating to where your relationship with them is. If there's someone you're just getting to know, or there's someone you've never kissed yet, maybe don't start with extreme sexting right away.

Rather, you’d want to start by talking a little bit more about gentle touches, kisses, and things like that. But if it's someone you've known for a long time and or are already in a relationship with someone who you've already been sexual with before, you might wanna heat things up even more. Test the waters by sexting about things you’d want to do with them and ask them, ‘Would you be into that? Do you wanna try that in real life?’. That's what can make sexting more exciting."

3. Is sexting legal in India?

“The legality around sexting is murky. There are some laws that say that even sending pictures of yourself could be considered obscene material or even producing obscene material. You do not want to tread lightly in terms of who you sext and what you say because obscenity laws, which were somewhat archaic and, designed a long while ago, are not exactly designed for a time like today where we have personal devices and personal, autonomy over what we wanna put into our devices. Make sure you really trust the person you're sexting with. It can be difficult to assess whether someone is safe or not if you don't know them very well.

Also, the only way that a legal authority would find out is if someone saw your conversation. It is not something that the platform will report. Most platforms are end-to-end encrypted and keep your data private. And so the platform itself is not gonna report you for sending or receiving explicit things.

I've heard of stories where Google Drive, for example, has locked someone out of their entire, Gmail account, including their Google Photos and everything linked to that Google account because they had nude pictures of themselves that were on the cloud. Hence, be careful about cloud backups and look at the privacy policy within a texting app.

If someone shared pictures with you in confidence, passing them along, uploading them to a porn site, or any website without that person's consent would be considered, image-based sexual abuse and not appropriate. And so if you do engage in sexting with someone and you are worried about that type of situation coming about, then you should know that legally you would be protected and vice versa. Hence, if you decide to send someone's images forward, you are at risk of legal persecution. And not only is that illegal, but also very unethical.”, Swarup shares. 

4. How can I sext safely without risking my privacy?

She says, "I think this is really about what your risk appetite is. Some people like to sext in ways that are purely text based so then they don't send pictures at all. Some people like to sext with pictures where they or they may show skin, like certain parts of their body.

The safest rule of thumb is if you don't know the person very well or you're not a % sure about the safety of their phone or their channels, leave your face out of it. Leave out recognisable markers like birthmarks or things that might immediately show who you are, including things that might be placed in the background of your image. Additionally, every image that you take automatically generates EXIF data to its properties. The EXIF data can show the time, date, place, geolocation and even IP address of where that image was taken. This is more of an advanced move, but if you want to be sure, you want to go and scrub that image of that data, and that can look like uploading it onto a computer and then deleting that data and making sure it's clean from that data before you send it forward. 

Having said that, there's still always a risk that is involved, especially because even if the other person is well-intentioned, the person could be in a situation where their account gets leaked or synced to another device that someone's using, or even your account could get synced to a different device, or someone could look over their shoulder or hack into that account or their phone.”

5. What should I do if my sexting messages get leaked?

"If your images do get leaked, definitely approach the law, approach cybercrime units. And there are also ways in which you can ask for your images to be taken down. So let's say that this person has uploaded a picture or a video to a platform like Pornhub or Reddit, you can go and report that post even on a platform like Pornhub and ask them to remove it because it's a picture or a video of you that was put up without your consent. You can also try doing a reverse image search and seeing if it shows up publicly on the Internet somewhere. The difficult part is that some of these platforms, especially porn sites are banned in India, making it difficult for the leaked content to show up in Google search results easily. But, unfortunately, that is a risk that comes with, using digital media for selling and receiving pictures of yourself. That's when hiding your face and your identity from such images and videos becomes more important." Swarup shares. 

6. Can sexting improve a long-distance relationship?

Swarup says, "In general, I have a hard time saying that one size fits all for any relationship. Sexting could improve a long-distance relationship, but if someone's not comfortable with sexting and the risks involved, it could actually be really detrimental to a relationship to insist that we need to sext, that we need to exchange images, texts, or videos that are sexual. Because then it can actually reduce intimacy if someone is feeling forced to do it or is hesitant about it. And their partner is, that it'll improve the relationship. In that case, no. It will not improve the relationship. And so there's no one answer when it comes to whether it will improve a long-distance relationship. But for those who want to do it, for those who are excited by it, or for those who are just looking for a way to connect with their partners when they are long distance, I think it is somewhat when there's no better option, you do what you can kind of situation.

It can be a really fun way to stay in touch with your partner long distance, to remind each other that there are sexual aspects of you and each other, to kind of be a tease about what will come next, what will come the next time that you and your partner meet. It can be a fun way to also increase intimacy and to stay in touch with the physical side of each other. Sexting here doesn't have to be transmitting images and videos only. It could also be a phone conversation where you spend time having what they call phone sex, talking about what you wanna do to each other or with each other. And if some people are comfortable even doing video calls in that way, but, of course, the risk associated is something that you should keep in mind.”

What are some good sexting examples for beginners?

Swarup says, “I think when you think about sexting, there are a few different options. One thing you can do is call back to memories that you two might have already shared. For example, it could start with ‘the last night was so hot’, or ‘I love it when you____’, fill in the blanks. Or texts like, ‘I love when you do this.’, ‘I can't stop thinking about the way you do___’, ‘I can't stop thinking about how you look (mention certain parts of their body).

Then the second thing you can do is think about fantasies. Things you want to do with them, things you can't stop thinking about, place them in a location.

• Are you thinking about it in bed?
• Are you thinking about it in the shower? 
• Are you thinking about it, while you go about your day? Maybe that's sexy to your partner.

The third thing you can say is also compliments. People love compliments.

I love the way you do x y z, or I love the way your body looks in x y z way.

Then the fourth category is also fantasies. ‘So I know we've never tried this, but wouldn't it be so hot if or do you think that you'd want me to do x y z?’. And those fantasies could also become role plays.

You can role-play over text. You can role-play, on a phone call as well, and check in with them. Like, ask them - 

‘Do you prefer when I'm being more dominating with you over text? Do you prefer that I be more subtle?’

‘Do you prefer that I am super explicit about what I wanna say, or do you prefer double meanings?' And so you can also check-in with them and ask them what is exciting to them. 

When you share pictures, you can share suggestions of what might be happening.

You can share a picture of underwear on the floor rather than sharing a picture of your body. And so things like that can be suggestive, can be exciting, and can help them imagine things that they maybe would not have been able to if they didn't have that little bit of help. And I think most importantly, enjoy. Ask your partner, what do you like?

‘Did you enjoy that? Should we do that? Is now a good time?’ Just making sure you both are in that headspace can make or break the situation.

Because if they are stressed out, they have life going on, particularly if you're in a long-distance relationship and there's a time difference or if they are still at work or something, it might be really inappropriate to receive messages like that. But ask them if they are feeling it and if they're in that headspace. And who knows? Maybe they will be. Enjoy!

Consent, safe sexting measures and healthy communication are the keys to enjoying it the most!

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