This Couple Said No to Kanyadaan & Vidaai for Their Wedding With a Modern Twist

Saumya & Manish hosted their very unique destination wedding in Goa with a modern twist to the traditions. Read to know more.

Anwesha Das

4 of October, 2020

Every wedding has a unique story that makes it unforgettable. It could be the hectic planning and some funny moments or it could be the ideas that came together to make it an impeccable day. It might even be the hilarious stories of the uncle that wouldn't stop his Naagin dance. These major and minor elements make your wedding day immortal literally because 10 years down the road, you'd still feel like it was just yesterday when these "Remember that..." stories come up at dinner.

One such impeccable wedding story that is worth telling is that of Saumya and Manish. Saumya is a Technical Product Manager at a Fortune 500 company and Manish is a Senior Consultant (Data & Technology) at a Big four consulting firm. The two independently planned their D-day and consciously included the traditions and vows that had meaning and were significant for their marriage to be a happy one. Wondering how? Well here are the details of their beautiful wedding. Scroll down to know.

It all Began When Saumya Said "Hi" on Their First Day of College

It gives us butterflies every time we hear of the story of how a couple met. From bumping into each other at a common friend's wedding to swiping right on an online dating website - every story is intriguing. Here is the story of college sweethearts Saumya and Manish as told by Saumya. She says, "Manish and I met on the first day of college ten years ago. I walked up to him and said hello. He looked intriguing and kind at the same time. According to him, he fell for me almost instantly. He says he saw kindness and childlike playfulness in my eyes! He asked me out on the 5th day. I didn’t want to date but the more I interacted with him, I realised he is an amazing guy who is unlike every other guy around me - He did not see gender, religion and didn’t carry any bias in his heart! How could I not be friends with someone like that? Plus I found his french-speaking ways super cool. So we started spending a lot of time together as friends. I soon realised that even though we are polar opposites in terms of our personalities, we are both mavericks and share similar beliefs regarding fundamental things like spirituality, equality, our careers, etc. Manish was persistent about his feelings and I couldn't resist his charm for long."

She continues to say, "The courtship period lasted a decade! We spent 4 years of undergrad together and then we both decided to pursue grad school in the US. We went to the same grad school as well. After graduation, he and I were in a long-distance relationship due to our jobs being in different cities (Chicago and Nashville). We wanted to focus on our career which is why we prioritised that over a wedding and so on. Also, we both wanted to pay for our wedding, so we wanted to save up a bit before tying the knot. Fortunately, after two years of trying to end up in the same city, we both found jobs in New York and everything fell into place in terms of timing, finances. We decided to get married. The funny thing is - back when we were in grad school and we used to discuss the wedding timing etc, Manish used to say, 'wouldn’t it be cool if we got married in 2020 since we started dating in 2010 (making it a decade of us being together'. And somehow with our career goals etc, the timing ended up being exactly what he predicted!"

Their Plans of a Destination Wedding

Their wedding was held at Kenilworth Resort & Spa in Goa with the pre-wedding events starting on the 26th of February. The wedding and reception were held on the 27th of February. Mehndi and Sangeet were celebrated on Feb 26 while the Haldi and Pool Party happened along with the Pheras on 27th.

On being asked if she always had a destination wedding in mind, Saumya says, "Yeah I always wanted a destination wedding. An intimate destination wedding to be specific. Something about the idea of bringing your family and friends together for a fun holiday as a part of our celebration sounded enticing. Another important reason was to ensure that only the people truly close to us and our families participated and that our families enjoyed the celebration instead of managing people and events. If we had chosen either of our home towns as the venue, we would have to oblige many more people and while we have love and respect for everyone, it would have taken the focus away from us and our families and shifted it to the crowds and hospitality management. Which is something both of us for sure wanted to avoid."

She adds, "My parents did end up hosting a small dinner reception in my home town so their acquaintances could be a part our wedding in some way. But since it was a few days after the wedding, we truly enjoyed meeting people as all the wedding pressure was off and we had already gotten the kind of celebration we wanted."

Their Traditional Wedding With Modern Improvs

Their wedding was full of modern improvisations where they included only relevant traditions and ceremonies and left out many others that they found unfit for their story. Speaking about these improvisations and twists Saumya says, "I grew up in a household with educators, thought leaders who always taught me to form my opinions and do what’s right. And growing up I always said, I would pay for my wedding or not partake in any traditions like Vidaai, Kanyaadan etc. We are both entering each other’s families lives and homes, we are both financially independent and we are both forever going to belong to our parents while forging new bonds. So we wanted to make sure that any ritual that conflicts with this ideology is taken out."

However fun that sounds, Indian weddings have always been about the families of the bride and the groom who play a significant role in planning the wedding and making sure every tradition was followed rightly for this pious occasion. Keeping that in mind, these twists and modifications in the ceremonies might have had to go through quite many drafts before being finalised and what better than having your family's blessings while you tie the knot and celebrate the love.

On that note, Saumya says, "I guess the family members in the past used to take my comments as musings of a teenager. But because of that, they were not entirely surprised that I wanted to things my way. There were some initial 'are you sure?', 'but it’s tradition', 'do it for the sake of it' kind of responses. But both Manish and I were adamant about the fact that we don’t want to conform to anything we don’t believe in “just for the sake of” or to put on a facade for society. We wanted to believe in every word of the vows we take and truly value every ritual we partook in. Once we conveyed our school of thought to our family members they were onboard. Also knowing Manish and my relationship and how we share an equal partnership, they understood the place we are coming from in terms of modifying rituals. I would say my mom was the biggest supporter of all my ideas. She was beaming with pride by the fact that I did not want her and dad ‘to give me away’ (the way I interpret Kanyadaan and Vidaai) and she worked with Me, Manish and our Panditji to modify the core ceremony and remove any gender-biased language or rituals. My mom is a Sanskrit professor and she worked with our Panditji to ensure he understands our requests. So it wasn’t very difficult to change up things."

Their Wedding Was Based on Equality & How

Saumya says, "My vision was to plan an event that celebrates our unique love story, with people we care about the most while honouring our families and traditions. So both the style and size of the wedding was something that we had to get our families on board with. As some of these ideas were completely new for them. Not only was the wedding intimate, but also the first destination wedding in our families which we primarily planned. We explained our thought process, heard their wishes. Incorporated as much as we could while staying true to our vision of the wedding. Both of our parents were supportive and respectful of our choices and opinions. And for that, I am forever grateful. The intention wasn’t necessarily to make any sort of statement but to rather make the wedding a true reflection of who we are as a couple while staying mindful of what the families wanted.

The couple along with their guests were seen posing for their Mehndi in the #EachForEqual pose. On being asked the significance of that pose in her wedding photo album, Saumya explains, "I think overall, starting from paying for our wedding equally to modifying any gendered tradition our whole wedding was planned in a way that two equal partners are getting married and families are uniting. We never tried to 'make a point' and went ahead with planning our 'fun celebration' but by customising things our way we ended up setting up some kind of precedent for equality. And everyone who was a part of the wedding realised and acknowledged that. As far as the pose goes, that’s a cute moment with me and my two best friends from my childhood who was talking to me and Manish about how unique our wedding celebration was, how I was not a typically coy bride and how Manish and I were like two best friends dancing at their own wedding. So we ended up posing the way we did since we were discussing the thought of partnership, equality."

The Wedding Theme & Planning

Most millennial brides would already have a blueprint of their wedding in their head if not in their purse, way before they meet their wedding planner. It could be a specific theme or a certain colour or even decor elements that tell their story. On being asked about the theme and planning of the wedding Saumya says, "I did not have a theme in the literal sense but rather a vision for each event that we wanted to host. We wanted a colourful Mehndi, a Filmy sangeet, a pious Haldi, a playful pool party, soulful phere, and a celebratory reception. Based on the vibe of the event, I worked with my planners to zero in on the decor elements and colour themes. Overall I would say we went for the contemporary Indian vibe while picking a design and decor elements. For example, to exude the soulful, pious vibes during the main wedding event, we used bells, lotuses etc on the mandap design. To stay close to the playful and colourful vibe we incorporated dream catchers with elephants, citrus fruits in the mehndi decor. Lotuses are also my favourite flower and Manish and I love animals and have an affinity for elephants so you will lotuses and elephants on our wedding card, in my mehndi design Haldi and wedding decor that kind of flows through and ties things together."

She continues, "Also, I focused a great deal on incorporating personalised elements in various aspects of the wedding starting from the welcome gifts with our storybook, to our ring boxes with our names engraved, to my mehndi with custom elements to our event decor."

Speaking about the storybooks that were handed out to the guests Saumya says, "Absolutely! We wanted everyone who came to the wedding to get a sense of our 'story'. Our immediate families and closest friends obviously knew it, but then there were other relatives, friends of parents who didn’t know it in detail. So I thought of creating something as a part of the wedding stationery. I am a creative at heart and sometimes write poetry, so I wrote down “a decade later” as a homage to our ten years of togetherness. When my planners read it, they suggested the idea of presenting it as a story book. I think it turned out beautiful. Every guest at the wedding appreciated the little glance into our story as a couple. One of my uncles actually took a few copies back home to share with others!"

No To Kanyadaan & Vidaai

The couple went all out while adding personalisation to the wedding. So when there was no Vidaai which generally marks the end of the wedding ceremony we asked Saumya what was done after the pheras. She says, "So after our pheras were done, we both prayed, sought blessings of our parents and elders and then walked off together hand in hand away from the wedding venue. (You can see that in our trailer I think.) We then came back together for our reception and danced and celebrated the end of the night and festivities with everyone."

Their Outfits

The guests seemed perfectly coordinated with the theme and colour palette of the wedding. Speaking of that Saumya says, "In my initial wedding planning days, I did want a colour theme and so on, but I soon realised with me being here in New York and our families spread all over, it would be hard to coordinate outfits or dictate a theme. We were also working with a challenging timeline since my outfits were finalised only a couple of months before the wedding and Manish’s two days before the wedding. That being said, I did convey what my ‘vision’ or ‘preference’ was in terms of colours, look and style to my close family members and to my surprise people took notice and kept that in mind while finalising their outfits! So a lot of our family ended up picking outfits from a similar colour palette and style."

She adds, "For each event, I had a vague idea of what I wanted both of our outfits to look like and researched some inspo looks vis Pinterest, Instagram etc. Manish and I were pretty much on the same page about what we liked. We wanted pastel kind of look for the wedding, something colourful for the mehndi, some shimmer for the sangeet, something Benarasi/ Nawabi for the reception. I took a trip to India 3 months prior to the wedding, with that idea in mind and did all of my outfit, accessory shopping in Delhi."

She also adds, "I knew I wanted a yellow lehenga (strange! I know but I did not want red or pink as I wanted to pick something unconventional and unexpected) and out of the many designer stores I visited, Asiana had the most off-beat colours and designs. I fell in love with my wedding lehenga the minute I saw it."

Her main wedding outfit was from Asiana Couture and a classic mirror-work lehenga by Abhinav Mishra for her Sangeet. For her Mehndi, she wanted a multicoloured outfit and she was so pleased to discover Avnni Kapur's store while exploring Shahpur Jat in Delhi with all playful, colourful elements in her designs. Saumya also ended up getting her Banarasi Reception Lehenga from her. For Haldi, since her lehenga was yellow, she picked a parrot green Haldi Outfit by Alka Nath. Most of her jewellery was from Om Sons Bridal in Delhi.

Saumya says, "Since my outfits were finalised a couple of months prior to the wedding, it made it easier for us to look for Manish’s outfits in terms of the overall design, colour and look we wanted. We had two days before the wedding to shop! I found Tisa on Instagram and Manish instantly loved their minimal, organic yet sharp aesthetic. Their service was impeccable and the stylists helped us put together accessories that go well with the outfits in two days. I also discovered a few other stores in Santa Cruz, Mumbai and that’s where we got the Sangeet, Mehndi, Haldi outfits and accessories from."

Intimate weddings have become a raging trend owing to the pandemic. However, Saumya and Manish's wedding was celebrated earlier in February before the COVID-19 pandemic was declared as a national lockdown situation. Asking her about her opinion on intimate weddings even if there is no looming fear of the pandemic, Saumya says, "In my opinion, that’s how every wedding should be - celebratory yet intimate - involving people who truly care about you, and you care about, whose presence will add happiness not pressure. The focus of the wedding should be the couple embracing on the journey of a lifetime and their immediate families who come together through the union. That should take the centre stage. Not the decor, not the number of people, not the societal obligations or opulence. That being said, feel free to go all out in the fun and celebration department and do whatever makes your days memorable."

She adds, "I one hundred per cent agree that a guest list does not define the celebrations. Like I mentioned in the section above, a smaller gathering or an intimate setting does not imply that your celebration has to be less fun or your decor has to be less creative. On the contrary, having fewer people to cater to, helps you focus more on these details, details that truly matter regarding how you, your partner and your close ones would like to celebrate - personalised events, decor etc that make the events memorable and apt for YOUR story and celebration. In fact, because the people who attend are you closest ones, they will appreciate the finer details, personalised elements and will truly value what you create in terms of the events."

If you have a wedding to plan, then get in touch with the ace professionals on board to make sure your wedding is an unforgettable story.